


A Matter of Trust

by Kiwili



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: A+ Parenting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brief mention of past character death, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwili/pseuds/Kiwili
Summary: One year after the takedown of the organization plaguing him, Kaito tries to live a normal life. Except scars don’t go away. All he can do is pretend nothing is affecting him, after all, aspiring magician Kuroba Kaito isn’t supposed to have Kid’s traumas.Kaito is tired of pretending.
Relationships: Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan & Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid
Comments: 48
Kudos: 313





	A Matter of Trust

**Author's Note:**

> AU where everything started the same, but Toichi and Chikage are intentionally bad parents to Kaito. 
> 
> While I believe Kaito's parents care about him in their own ways, they did a few questionable things that inspired this AU, especially if Gosho really makes it canon outside interviews that Toichi is alive. 
> 
> What I wanted to explore in this story is how having no one to talk to would affect Kaito on the long run of his adventures as Kid, and the aftermath of all that.
> 
> -o-o-o-o-o-
> 
> English isn't my first language. I apologize beforehand for grammar mistakes I didn't detect. ;u;

Kaito was eight when his father died. Ten when his mother began traveling and left him under Nakamori’s care. Twelve when he started to purposely fail at school and get in trouble in hopes for his mom to stay longer. Sixteen when he discovered the truth about his father and took Kid's mantle for closure and revenge. Eighteen when he discovered his father had been alive all this time and his mom had always been aware of it. Twenty when he finally took down the organization seeking Pandora and retired from thieving. 

Now, one year later, he's trying to pick up the pieces of his life that Kid destroyed. 

Leaving his afternoon classes, Kaito walks to the train station instead of the usual route back to his cheap rented apartment close to college. 

He needs to go back to _that house_ (not home, not for a long time now) to retrieve a few of his magic equipment left behind in the rush to quickly move away. 

Kaito is everything but excited about doing this. 

However, he wants to once more have his old equipment to practice new magic tricks. Today is the day he would stop procrastinating, get his things back, and never go back inside again. 

The distinct noise of a TV news channel grabs his attention while passing through an electronic store and he stops to listen. 

_"Suzuki Financial Group Senior Advisor Jirokichi Suzuki is once again emitting a challenge to Kaitou 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid, to steal a new object of his collection._

_It's been exactly one year since the last public appearance of Kaitou Kid. Police report says Kid was directly involved with another criminal organization and cooperated with their takedown before vanishing. It's unknown if-"_

Kaito immediately loses interest and walks away. It's always the same things about Kid nowadays: someone challenging him, a fake notice he isn't answering anymore, people that met Kid sharing their stories, Hakuba's speech about "Kid's true objective" being replayed for the millionth time… Police taking credit of _their_ takedown when Kaito did all the work. 

He blames most of it on Hakuba. The bastard is still a bastard even when he's trying to be nice. He brought the truth about Kaitou Kid to light, as he promised he would do, now everyone thinks Kid is some sort of hero who sacrificed his own safety to go after even more sinister criminals. 

Kid is no hero. 

Kid is a coward who acted on selfish desires and fears being imprisoned even now. 

Kaito can at least thank Hakuba's good sense to not say a thing about Pandora or Volley’s comet. It should never be public _or_ police knowledge. Small blessings. 

Still… Old man Suzuki. This brings back memories of fun heists and battles of wits.

It wasn't always bad, being Kid. Kaito still manages to smile remembering tricking his pursuers, seeing the audience's awe and late-night banters. 

After some time, though, the bad times began surpassing the good times. Lying to his best friend on a daily basis, denying accusations, worrying for his life and the life of others, Jii-chan's death… His parents leaving him to deal with that organization alone after manipulating him into becoming Kid in the first place. 

He could have stopped (he did stop, in the beginning, when it was too much). There wasn't anything but his own sense of justice truly forcing him to steal. Nevertheless, by the time the bad things became too much, when he wanted to give up, it was too late. He was too far in. Kaito knew too much, knew that _they_ didn't hesitate to kill people to achieve their goals, that _they_ were getting impatient with the deadline coming to an end. He witnessed jewel owners _dying_ when he wasn't fast enough to retrieve a jewel. 

If every jewel he successfully stole was potentially a life being saved, how could he live with himself if he ignored everything and stopped completely?

He couldn't stop. It was never a choice. 

Asking for help wasn't an option, either. No matter the reason, he was still doing something pretty much illegal, no way he was involving other people. And if you count the possibility of them don’t understanding and betraying Kaito like his parents…. He didn't want to ruin his life even more by potentially getting arrested and killed (because no way _they_ would let him be arrested without attempting to kill him for good first).

As much as he loves and cares about Inspector Nakamori, the police also wasn't an option. He never trusted them, not since they told him his dad's supposed death had been an accident. Kaito _knew_ that couldn't be it, his dad would never mess up a trick like that. He tried to explain it to the police, but he was ignored and the case was closed. 

If they can't even discern attempt murder and fake death from an accident, if they can't even catch a lost 16 years old that barely knew what he was doing, how can he trust them to deal with an evil organization seeking immortality with total disregard to human life? 

He couldn't trust anyone. Even now, he can't bring himself to tell a single person. 

Not to Aoko (please, everyone but Aoko), because she's the pillar supporting Kaito's life and he won't risk losing her by being the very person she hates (everything but that). Not to the old inspector, he would be so disappointed. Not to Akako, who knows if she would use his weakness against him. And not to Hakuba, because he never stopped looking for solid proof that he is Kid.

So Kaito progresses with his life pretending nothing happened, that’s he’s only a normal college student that aims to be a professional magician (He still loves magic. It makes him happy. He won’t allow the bad memories about his dad ruin magic for him, _he can’t_ ).

Sighs. No use thinking about all this again and again. He can't hear what it's being said anymore, but one last glance at the now distant TV shows the topic changed and now they're showing images of Kudou Shinichi. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


He will never admit it out loud, but he misses his detective. All people Kid deeply cared about also had some sort of connection to Kuroba Kaito, except his once miniature critic. When he was finally done with his mission and retired from stealing in the moonlight, Kaito felt like he lost a friend. A friend that wanted to arrest him, but a friend nonetheless. Certainly wouldn’t be his first one like that.

Sometimes, he considers forcing an encounter with him for nostalgia's sake, but he never followed up through any of his ideas. It was too risky. Kudou Shinichi is smart and cunning, he would eventually figure out that Kaito is Kid just like Hakuba and the last thing he wants to do is to keep this charade to yet another person. He's tired of it. 

That's why Kaito is shocked now that their first encounter as themselves on a half-empty train was so banal, for lack of a better word. Kudou entered the wagon one station before the one Kaito was going to exit, their eyes quickly met as passing and then the detective found a place to sit in front of him and read a book. If he showed any sign of recognizing Kaito as Kid, the retired thief didn't notice any. 

So much for their grand encounter. 

Big letdown aside, Kaito won't be the one telling him a single thing. He will leave when the train stops and never meet the detective again. 

Halfway to the next stop, however, the magician starts hearing concerned voices:

"Are you okay?"

"I think she isn't breathing!"

"Is there a doctor here?" 

Kaito stares at the origin of the noise and sees a woman in her late thirties unconscious on the floor at the other end of the wagon. Worried, his first instinct after getting up was to glance at the detective close to him. Kudou already put away his book and is moving to check the woman. 

“I’m a doctor, let me check her!” an older man approaches first and begins examining the woman, "she's- she's dead." 

"This isn't any common death," Kudou is already next to the doctor, kneeling close to the body, his voice echoes through the entire wagon, silencing everyone else "this is murder."

… Oh joy, here goes his afternoon plans. 

“I need someone to call the police,” Kudou instructs as he is already investigating. It seems the commotion was noticed by other wagons, the train would stop for good at the next station and the line blocked. “Nobody touches anything to not disturb the crime scene or leave this wagon when the train stops.” 

Kaito needs to do _something,_ so he puts a face of a worried citizen that never saw a body up close his whole life - which wasn’t hard to do, mind you, as Kaito doesn't exactly enjoy seeing dead bodies and much less knowing there’s probably a murderer nearby - and calls the police. 

The detective gives a small nod acknowledging the police is on the way and continues with his work, unfazed by the unexpected developments. 

Thinking about it, he didn’t even seem surprised at all that someone ended up dead just as he entered the train, almost like it is an everyday occurrence to him. 

Maybe it is, who knows. 

Maybe it means Kudou can solve all this fast enough.

Adrenaline over, the magician sits again and closes his eyes, trying to ignore the scene. He hates when people die near him, it makes him feel so powerless. If he hadn’t been preoccupied with the detective, if he had paid more attention to his surroundings, if he had noticed _anything at all_ , he might have been able to stop this from happening. No one would have to die.

_Nightmare, task force officers investigating what they shouldn't, overconfident jewel owners who didn’t expect any other danger, rival thieves who had no idea what they were getting into, innocent bystanders. All the people he couldn’t save. If he had made a bigger effort, maybe they wouldn’t-_

_It’s all his fault, his fault, his fault-_

“Oh, Shinichi-kun, you’re already here! Why is it not a surprise?” A voice interrupted his thoughts. An officer? Seems like the police arrived while he was distracted.

Kaito takes a deep breath and tries to recompose himself, ignoring the pressure in his chest. He searches for a chocolate bar in his bag, only one left. That will have to do. He opens it without making too much noise and begins eating, soon he feels the serotonin effects working and is able to relax a little. 

A single bar won’t be enough to deal with this situation, but there is nothing else to do but wait. Kudou will surely solve the case, Kaito will be able to leave this place and it will be easier to keep bad thoughts at bay. For now, it’s better to stop the self-blaming, it’s nobody's fault but the murderer.

Or at least, the magician tells himself that in hope someday he will believe it.

Kaito once again peeks at Kudou, this time to observe him interacting with the police. He never stopped to compare, but on a murder scene the officers unquestionably rely on him, as expected from someone knows as the savior of the police force. It’s different from heists, where Inspector Nakamori holds no fondness for Kudou’s presence, as opposed to how he tolerated Conan.

Not that any of this mattered in the long run. Doesn’t matter how much Kaito enjoyed his presence, Kudou only occasionally showed up because Kid was never his priority. It was a shame, Kaito can’t deny how gratifying it was to have someone that could appreciate his carefully designed tricks and not destroy his setups before he could even do anything like a certain blond annoyance. 

…It's probably better to avoid staring at the detective too much, so he must do something else. He first tries looking at the window, but then sees his translucent reflection and instantly remembers his dad. Nope, the window is a bad idea. Let’s ignore bad thoughts and only focus on good thoughts. Something really easy to do when surrounded by police officers and there’s a dead body nearby and he can’t do anything to help and look at how useless he is and-

Kaito needs more chocolate.

Wasn’t for the fact that it would be way more of a bother to leave the scene than to stay at it, Kaito would have left without a trace the moment the train stopped. Unfortunately, he foolishly called the police, so if he went missing from the scene they could easily track him because of the call info and they would start asking questions. Better to avoid it, being a wanted criminal and all that.

Looking around for a distraction, Kaito notices someone suspicious. If it was someone else judging the guy, they wouldn't find anything strange, just a person distressed by being near a murder scene - a perfectly natural reaction. But it is Kaito, master of disguise that can make a convincing imitation of anyone after analyzing them for a few minutes, who is judging the guy, and to him, there is a clear problem with that person: They're _too perfect_ , every minuscule movement seems carefully planned to allow them to get closer and closer to the exit without anyone noticing. They're trying to sneak out. 

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Maybe the person has valid reasons to want to get out, Kaito surely would have gotten out already if it wasn't too troublesome. But a murder _just_ happened and this guy _is_ trying to sneak out. Even without any proof of malicious intent, this should be suspicious enough behavior for Kaito to at least keep an eye on them. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Turns out, Kaito accidentally found the killer?

Kudou solved the case and asked everyone to reunite while he explained what happened (did he really have to be so dramatic about it?). Gruesome details about how the murder happened apart, the culprit was the guy Kaito was suspicious of - his name is Hagiwara Ken. 

Apparently, in order to finish his overly complicate perfect murder trick (isn't there better ways to murder someone?), Hagiwara-san needed to get out of the train for 10 seconds to get rid of the last piece of evidence that would point to him. Which he couldn’t do, because Kaito positioned himself between the murderer and the exit at all times, and the guy didn’t want to call attention to himself by making a scene out of it. Serves him right.

Culprit handcuffed, Kaito is finally allowed to get out of there. Darting one last glance at Kudou before leaving, the magician spares no time to go back to the streets. Breathing fresh air was never so refreshing before. 

Truth to be told, he just wants to go directly back home to stuff himself with chocolate and take care of his doves rather than going to that house of all places, but the thought of going back to a train without any kind of break after this incident sicks him, so that’s a big no. The solution would be to buy something to eat while he’s here instead.

Kaito always liked sweets and wouldn't deny one if offered, but never _needed_ them. Most of the time he went out of his way for sugar, it was because he was with Aoko and she loves to try them out. Now chocolate offers him the comfort he can’t get anywhere else, even if it's only temporary and not exactly healthy. At the very least, it’s better than the alternatives that would cloud his mind and make him susceptible to spill secrets.

At the very least, he isn’t Hagiwara Ken, murdering someone because she was too busy with her own problems to be supportive of him when he lost his job. 

A person’s life, no matter what they did, is more important than anything. It’s something irreplaceable. Kaito will rather die than hurt people because they won’t give him what he desires. 

_Kaito doesn’t care anymore. Only three more months until the comet arrives. Protecting Pandora until it’s time to destroy it is way more important than anything his life can offer._

It's true that he knows people genuinely worry about him. Aoko without a doubt, she's even been softer to him ever since Jii-chan's death, the inspector is actively inviting him for lunch every weekend regardless of Kaito always making excuses to never go and even Hakuba and Akako show their concerns in their own roundabout ways. 

Problem is, he spent most of his life pathetically holding on the belief that his parents worried as well. 

_They left him. Jii-chan's dead, dad is alive and his parents just left him. He's alone, truly alone, he has no one anymore to rely on, what can he do? He doesn't know, he doesn't know, he doesn't know-_

Kaito's scared it's all delusions that his friends are different, scared that he's reading their intentions wrong, scared that they will all leave someday, just like his parents. He can't trust himself anymore to make those judgments. 

And what if when he tells them the truth, they start blaming him for everything that happened? None of them was ever fond of Kid. 

The last thing he needs right now is one more person blaming him. He does that quite enough already. 

It’s not the case, he knows deep down. But for all he's a good actor with an excellent poker face and control over which sides of himself he shows to people, he can't control his true thoughts and feelings the same way. 

"Excuse me." A voice from behind interrupts his thoughts, making his heart jump. 

A voice that Kaito knows perfectly well who it belongs to and that person shouldn't be here. There is no reason for that person to be here. 

The person does a short greeting and offers a handshake after Kaito turns around, eyes glowing. "You’re Kuroba Kaito, right? The one who called the police. I remember you giving them that name. I'm Kudou Shinichi. It’s nice to properly meet you.”

Kaito squints his eyes. He’s aware Conan pretended to be from overseas, but Kaito never saw him faking not knowing Japanese customs, so it’s really unlikely he developed that habit while in his diminutive state.

He’s obviously planning something and cautiousness is needed in this situation, but Kaito is honestly too exhausted to care. He takes the bite, returns the greetings, and shakes his hand. 

"Kuroba Kaito" a forced smile is on the magician's face. "Nice to meet you as well." 

Kudou fails to contain a grin. Kaito feels like he just willingly jumped into a snake pit, and he made deals with Akako in the past. 

“Oh, I’m sorry," the detective dares to look apologetic, retiring his hand from the shake "I recently came back from a trip to Hawaii and I’m still unintentionally using handshakes. I apologize for that.”

Unintentionally his ass. He clearly did that on purpose and still expects Kaito to fall for that half-assed apology? Kudou probably didn’t even recently leave the country, too. What is this all about? Kaito decides to cross his arms and stare at him in silence until he gets an explanation of why the other is here talking to him. 

Kudou clears his throat, taking the hint. “There are a few things I wish to talk to you in private about the case. Are you busy right now?" 

Kaito doesn't need to give any satisfaction to his dear detective. They're supposed to be strangers and anything related to the case should have been said before he was allowed to leave. The wise thing to do is to say that he is busy, get out of here, and never meet the other again. 

A shame Kaito isn't wise.

"As a matter of fact, I am very busy." Kaito does his best annoyed face. "But I suppose I could spare a few minutes entertaining the so-called Great Detective of the East." 

"If you're busy, you don't need to-" 

"I said I could spare some time, no?" Kaito quickly interrupts before the detective can continue, thinking of a plan.

He rolls his eyes at the idea. It’s always a bad plan to get close to a starving lion and expect to not be eaten, yet he will go with it anyway. "I know a nice café nearby where we could talk without eavesdroppers. You first buy me food and I won't even mind you interrupting my post-murder afternoon plans to ask questions. No talking before food, though." 

If Kudou wants to bug him out of nowhere, he might as well get the chocolate he needs out of it. No way he's dealing with someone like him without his emotional comfort unhealthy quantity of cocoa (and Kaito _deserves_ it after today’s unpleasant experience, thank you very much). 

"... I suppose that's fair. For your troubles." Kudou shakes his head. 

Kaito presumes the detective isn’t keen to do it. Not that he cares. Kaito’s the one being bothered by a nosy detective directly after a murder happened, after all. If one is suffering, the other will as well.

Kaito gives him one last suspicious look. 

"If you really want to go along with it, follow me, but know that I won't care if you get lost." 

He starts walking to the place he has in mind without waiting for a response, disregarding Kudou's attempt to try to engage in a conversation and never checking if he's keeping up with his pace. If he gets lucky, he might lose him. 

Except that part of him is thrilled to interact with the detective again. 

He tries to calm down his hammering heartbeat. Okay, _maybe_ he misses his favorite critic more than he originally thought (the detective has no right to give him such a strong reaction just by being near). Kaito had a few positive interactions with the detective in the past and now his brain is idiotically begging for more. This is so stupid.

He let out a heavy breath. They were never close, not really. Rivals with a mutual understanding that sometimes talked about their struggles when no one but the other could hear, yes, but not close. 

Kudou never explained in depth what happened to himself, which was fair, Kid was also really vague about his own troubles and carefully avoided implying anything about his true objectives or about _them_. Nevertheless, being able to talk it out, even if limited, was nice.

Kaito misses it.

He wonders if Kudou misses it too.

The café is a five-minute walk away, so regrettably there weren't many opportunities for Kaito to lose Kudou's track. Not that he was actually trying hard, mind you, otherwise he could easily have done that. They arrived. 

".... Cat Sugarland?" Kudou gives a questioning look, not quite believing Kaito brought him here. By the appearance of the place, being all pink with ribbons and cute cartoon cats decorating the whole establishment, it’s not aimed at two men in their early twenties. Kaito never really cared about it, though. 

"Now, now, don't judge a book by its cover, _Detective_. The food here is delicious and affordable, plus, there are cats inside we can pet!" He forces out his best smile. Yes, be as uncomfortable as Kaito is, Detective. "Unless you changed your mind?" 

"I don't actually know why I'm surprised, let’s go in." Kudou groans, resigning to his fate and entering the café. Kaito is glad to follow. They choose a table far away from the rest of the customers and staff, where no one would be able to hear them. 

Kudou is blushing a little. It's good to see him embarrassed for once, the guy is usually really intense, looking at Kaito like a predator waiting to attack its prey. Fortunately for the detective, the magician is nothing but a generous soul, so he allows him a moment to recompose himself before calling a waitress and asking for food: chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, mint chocolate chip brownies, and a chocolate milkshake. He pretends to not notice Kudou's disbelief as he orders. 

One of the resident cats, a blue-eyed brown tabby named Nyun-Nyun who Kaito is very fond of, immediately approaches to sit on Kaito's lap when she notices him. This little one always makes him company when Kaito visits and is the main reason he comes here from time to time. Interacting with animals is the closest thing to therapy he can get. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


"So, what do you want to ask me?" Kaito asks as soon as he finally puts enough chocolate back on his blood to relieve his nerves, the cat on his lap almost sleeping from all the petting he gave her. 

"Early today, you identified the culprit, Hagiwara-san, trying to get away before anyone else and ultimately stopped him from tampering with evidence." Kudou fixes his stare at Kaito. "How?"

Kaito blinks. Huh. So the detective noticed it at one point, whatever. "I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"I was watching and every time Hagiwara-san went anywhere, you changed your position to be between him and all forms of exit. I find it hard to believe you didn't know what you were doing. So I ask again: how did you figure it out before anyone else?" 

The detective leans closer, never breaking eye contact. Kaito is getting some weird readings, Kudou almost looks desperate for the answer. Or maybe he’s upset? Annoyed a total stranger with no relations to the investigation figured out the culprit's plan before he did? Is he that petty? Except Kaito didn't figure anything out, perhaps he could be honest for once.

"I did nothing of the sorts. Had a bad feeling about the guy, tried to stand on his way as a precaution." 

"You had… A bad feeling?" Kudou raises an eyebrow. 

"Yes. A bad feeling." Kaito shrugs. "People can act based on their feelings from time to time, you know. Don't need to mean anything. I just followed my guts and happened to be right." 

Kaito might as well take off his clothes and be naked because the way the detective is observing him now makes him feel just like that. Worse, it is like he is staring directly at his soul. How Kaito provoked such a reaction by saying this? He could practically see the gears running in Kudou's head. That’s not good. He has something in mind and the retired thief doesn't want to stay around to discover what it is.

Alas, Nyun-Nyun is now laying down on his lap sleeping. No matter how much Kaito wants to get away from here, only a heartless person would wake her, no way he’s doing it. He's trapped and it's no one's fault but his own for choosing a cute cat café to mess up with the detective. 

“Nyun-Nyun, you traitor…” Kaito mutters under his breath.

“Did you say something?”

“This food is delicious! Why don’t you try a little?” Kaito panics and shoves a piece of his cake on the detective’s mouth. Seriously, he didn’t order anything to himself? At all? Is he going to stare at Kaito eating the whole time? Creepy. 

Kudou reluctantly swallows the food. He doesn’t even appreciate it, saying 'it's too sweet'. Rude. 

“I must say," Kudou gives a playful grin after recovering from the sudden attack. So the detective didn’t fall for his pathetic attempt at changing topics. "I never expected the famous Kaitou Kid to be a sweet tooth.” 

He stares at the cat at his lap like she’s the cause of all his life’s problems.

Just like that, he said the exact thing Kaito wanted to avoid. The detective is the only person _Kid_ can vent to, not Kaito. He knows a lot about Kid’s persona, but almost nothing about Kaito’s. Kid is an invincible figure that can never be caught, Kaito is vulnerable. Anything that ever happened between them was with Kid, Kaito was out of it.

Kaito is only an aspiring magician that knows nothing about Kid’s problems. _He can’t know_ , because Kaito is trying to build a life where he doesn't need to think about anything related to Kid. If Kudou thinks he’s Kid, this means one more person to play the pretend game that is now his whole life.

He never wanted to do this with the detective as well.

"Did you seriously just accuse me of being a wanted international criminal?" There isn't even a need to fake his indignant tone. 

Hakuba spent years close to Kaito, actively searching for evidence and waiting for him to slip, and nothing ever came out of it. No matter how good the great detective of the east is, there is no way he could have gotten any solid proof he's Kid in the short amount of time he spent in Kaito’s presence.

Kudou dismisses the question, looking down. "I only wanted to say something to you that I never had the opportunity once you stopped your heists." 

"I'm not-" 

“I’m sorry.” What? “I knew that whatever you were trying to do as Kid, it wasn’t bad, so I let you be. If I knew who you were fighting beforehand, if I knew you were the same as me... I could have offered my help." He sounds… Sincere. And regretful. 

"Such a detective I am for not putting that together sooner.” 

Was the great detective worried about him this whole time as well? 

_"I could have offered my help."_

That’s-

_“Kuroba Kaito, listen to me just for once! If you don’t accept my help tonight, you will, you will-”_

It can’t be this easy, isn’t it?

_“Kuroba, this is serious! There are people after your life, stop this charade and let me help you!”_

To have people willing to help him when he needed it…

_“Why don’t Kaito open up to Aoko anymore? Aoko knows something is troubling you! Aoko can’t help if Bakaito doesn't say anything!”_

This was all his own doing, isn’t it? If he trusted someone, if he talked about-

_“And at all times… never forget your poker face.”_

…

… 

Kaito could continue as he is, avoiding all his lifetime of issues and lying to himself while pretending everything is fine or he could make the first step to help himself, even if it’s surrounded by uncertainties and it means to rely on something he has no control over.

Maybe he will regret it later, maybe it’s only a question of time until his insecurities hit again, but just for a moment, just for this moment…

“Your help wouldn’t make much of a difference, Detective.” Kaito slips into the still familiar Kid mask, voice tone, and posture as a last layer of protection to what he's about to say. “At that time, I wasn’t exactly accepting help from anyone. I’m also pretty sure it wouldn’t be good for your reputation if people found out you were collaborating with Kaitou Kid of all people.”

“So are you not denying you’re Kid?”  
  
“Why would I? I'm undeniably the only and one Kaitou Kid, after all.”

Kaito expected a smirk followed by Kudou bragging how he just recorded the whole conversation and already sent it to the police. 

Nothing like that happened. 

Kudou’s jaw drops, surprised by the admission, not expecting it would happen (to be fair, Kaito didn't as well). He’s pensive and seems to want to ask something, but isn’t making any effort to voice it. 

Kaito is glad, he doesn't want to explain right now.

It feels… Liberating. And scary. To finally tell someone. He's exposed and vulnerable and he's not used to any of this. Wasn't for years of acting and holding back his deep emotions, he would be an anxious mess right now. 

After so long, he finally entrusted someone with his secret. 

No, there is more to that. 

Before him, stood someone who also had his life flipped upside down, who had to lie, who had to hide a secret identity from people he cares about, who had to constantly worry about the safety of others, who was only a minor when he had to fight a secret organization with malicious intentions. Someone who could genuinely understand and relate with some of Kaito's struggles and might not use it against him. 

Yes, at least for now, it doesn't seem too bad of an idea to give Kudou a chance. It could be the start of many needed changes he has to go through to finally move on.

Nyun-Nyun suddenly starts meowing, disturbing his contemplation. Apparently, she gave up trying to nap and decided to demand Kaito’s attention instead, putting her little paws on his chest and rubbing her head on his neck. Kaito laughs and drops the Kid facade at once.

"Sorry for not giving you much attention today, Nyun-Nyun, but you can clearly see I have a new company today. I will come back another day and give you all the attention you need." he scratches her ears fondly.

"Sounds like you stole her heart, thief" Kudou stated, smiling at the scene. 

"What can I say? Kid has success with the ladies." _Not Kaito_ , but that distinction doesn't seem as important at this moment. 

"Don't need to remind me…" 

"Jealous?" Kaito gestures at the cat caressing him.

"Of course not, idiot!" 

Kaito was about to retort as the detective had a longing look on his face, but suddenly something came to his mind. Something that has been bothering him since the beginning. Kaito narrows his eyes 

"That handshake." he throws an accusation tone, holding Nyun-Nyun down before she starts tapping at his face. She doesn’t like it and jumps out of his lap. "You did that Sherlock Holmes hand analysis thing, didn't you? That's how you figured it out it was me, somehow." It never occurred to Kaito that something like that could actually be done in real life, but he wouldn't put past the detective doing it. 

Kudou looks pleasantly surprised. "You know about Sherlock Holmes’ handshake?" 

"That's not the point." And has _nothing_ to do with Hakuba using that ridiculous costume unironically and naming his hawk Watson, which made Kaito immediately assume he’s a Sherlock fan, and Kaito didn't want to look ignorant about book references at heists. 

"Not exactly," Kudou says "it helped me determine you were a magician among other things, sure, and how you dealt with Hagiwara-san made me suspect there was more to you, but mostly I just had… A good feeling about you."

“...A good feeling?" Kaito asked, skeptical.

“Yes. A good feeling. People can act based on their feelings from time to time, you know, I merely followed my guts.” Touché. “And then you pretty much confirmed it for me.”

Kaito mentally slapped himself, so this was what that reaction was all about. 

"So, you know who I am. What do you plan to do now, oh great detective? Arrest me?" 

"To tell you the truth, I didn't think that far. Today was… Spontaneous on my part." Kudou scratches his neck, then suddenly frowns. "But no, I have no intention of actually arresting you. I thought it was clear after all this time." 

The detective sounds personally offended by the prospect. Kaito tries to not look too relieved hearing those words. 

"Oh? Don't tell me. Do you just follow potential criminals without any sort of plan on a daily basis? Doesn't sound very smart of you." 

"You would be surprised." By the way Kudou sighs, there's a story in there and it’s not related to today’s events. That’s something to consider later.

"Kid is only a mask and you know that. What if I wasn’t a good person?" Why did the detective follow him if there were no plans of catching him?

Kudou didn’t hesitate a single second to reply. "You saved my life and the life of others enough times by now and never asked anything in return - someone like that can’t be completely bad. I always thought you were a good person, Kuroba. I still think you are. I trust you."

_I trust you._

Kaito could never say something like that so easily.

“A bad decision. Nowadays, I’m usually lying.” About the things he did. About his parents. About being fine.

Kudou gives him a satisfied smile. “Wouldn’t be my first bad decision.” 

Why does he look so proud while saying it?! This isn’t anything to be proud about. Should Kaito be worried about his detective decision-making skills? Not that Kaito has any high ground on the matter, but _still_. 

“You do you, but don't blame me if I’m not exactly the most cooperative and truthful I can be.” And Kaito knows himself well enough to be sure he will be hiding things. Just because he confirmed he was Kid and they used to vent to each other doesn't mean he will dump all of his life problems at the detective.

"Since when have you ever been cooperative and truthful about anything?" Hah hah, he thinks he’s funny. Kaito sticks out his tongue in an act of complete maturity.

Speaking of funny, he remembers Aoko's always jealous because the cats usually don't go near her, this might as well be a good opportunity to mess with her. Kaito takes his phone out and begins taking photos of Nyun-Nyun, now rubbing his leg, to tease her later. The secondary effect of this action is something he’s well aware that would happen.

Kudou’s eyes follow the phone and the detective starts asking, "I was wondering, would you be fine if-"

“No need. Check your phone.” Kaito gives him a typical Kid grin. If they're going to continue with all this, whatever their relationship is, Kudou Shinichi and Kuroba Kaito might as well become proper fully-fledged acquaintances.

Kudou picks his own phone to check, already knowing what would be there: Kaito’s contact. “When-?!”

The magician only smirks at the detective as an answer, taunting him to deduce it out himself. “By the way, I have your number memorized for some time now. Don’t take this breach of privacy personally, I do basic research of everyone I plan on disguising beforehand.” 

As the detective begins complaining the magician shouldn't disguise as him in the first place, Kaito feels part of the weight in his chest slowly going away. It's been a while since he felt so light casually talking to someone.

  
  


* * *

  
  


As promised, Kudou pays the bill while Kaito gives goodbyes to Nyun-Nyun. It’s late when they finally leave the café, but Kaito should still be able to get his equipment and go back before the last train.

“Don't feel obligated to answer this, but you… weren’t planning on telling me anything, weren’t you? What made you change your mind?” Kudou asks when they’re about to go different ways.

“Nothing special, I just decided… that I trust you.” Kaito doesn't really mean it.

It’s the truth. He might finally have someone to talk to about this part of his life, but he can’t say he’s sure about this decision, and he isn’t going to blindly trust Kudou anytime soon, particularly after keeping everything to himself for so long.

But Kaito wants to try.

_I trust you_. One day, he will be able to say it again and truly mean it.

  
  


* * *

Bonus: 

“... And that’s the bad feeling I had.”

“Oh?”

“Soooo…" Kaito leans closer, mischievous eyes and a taunting smile meeting a startled expression. "What exactly was your ‘good feeling’ that gave me out, _Detective?_ ” As he finishes the sentence, Kudou swiftly regains his distance, avoiding eye contact. 

Uh? 

Is the detective blushing or is it his imagination…?

“... I will explain another time.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. I’ve never written anything like this before, even less in english, so I hope this wasn’t completely bad, even if everything here was completely self-indulgent. 
> 
> This was supposed to be around 500 words 4fun just so I could try writing something and practice my english and it got a life of its own and become this mini-monster (at least by my "I never wrote more than obligatory 30 lines fiction when I was in middle school" standards) ;w;
> 
> -o-o-o-o-o-
> 
> You can find art related to this AU (not necessarily KaiShin) [on the MoT AU tag of my art tumblr](https://kiwilart.tumblr.com/tagged/mot-au) :D


End file.
